Top 10 Space Crimes Ever

If you’re like me (and like most people), after you watch a movie you’re primary reaction is: sure the action was alright, but where’s the legal analysis? That’s why we’ve used our vague and complex rubric to compile this list of the top 10 space crimes ever committed. Besides, considering the dearth of “real” human activity in space, these “fake” film scenes provide a stellar platform for the much-desired application of space law.

#1 Inhabitants of Alderaan, deceased v. Galactic Empire, Grand Moff Tarkin

Grand Moff Tarkin told the Death Star to blow up the planet of Alderaan, and that’s exactly what it did. The first Death Star’s superlaser created a superluminal boost, pushing Alderaan’s mass into hyperspace and destroying it instantly along with its 2 billion inhabitants. That is what we call planetary genocide, and the Empire must pay.

via GIPHY

#2 Crew of Discovery I v. Heuristically Programmed Algorithmic Computer 9000

In 2001: A Space Odyssey, Heuristically Programmed Algorithmic Computer 9000 (Hal) hits Dr. Frank Poole with a space pod disconnecting his oxygen hose resulting in Poole’s suffocation and death. Then Hal shuts off the oxygen on 3 other astronauts, killing them. Hal also attempted, but failed, to knock off Dr. David Bowman, which may actually have been more enjoyable than watching Bowman turn into a membrane covered fetus orbiting Earth.

#3 Estate of Earth v. Vogons, et al.

In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Arthur Dent is dealing with a case of eminent domain wherein the government is taking away his house to create an interstate bypass, when he’s confronted with an even bigger case of eminent domain when an alien race called the Vogons come and blow up Earth in order to build an intergalactic bypass. Did the Vogons even pay fair market value?

#4 The Hive Queen, deceased v. Andrew Wiggins, International Fleet, et al.

In Ender’s Game, Andrew “Ender” Wiggins unknowingly commits xenocide by leading a death march of human spaceships against the “Buggers” homeworld and annihilates the whole race by launching the Molecular Detachment Device. Who will be held responsible for this shameful war crime? Can intergalactic child soldiers be held liable?

#5 Nova Corps v. Guardians of the Galaxy

Star Lord and his pals bust (illegally) out of the Kyln (Coordinates: M20H 119919142+0185112.), the highest security prison under the control of Nova Corps. Guards died, prisoners were injured. Sadly, we already know the resolution of this one: the Guardians are pardoned after saving the Nova Corps homeworld of Xandar and Quinn proves he isn’t a total A-hole after all.

#6 The Cooker v. Wallace

In A Grand Day Out, Wallace and Grommit recklessly park their homemade space shuttle on the moon. The Cooker, a vending machine-ish robot regulating the Moon, is not down with that and orders them a parking ticket. The Cooker is also displeased with the duo’s intentional conversion of Moon Cheese. What is the proper forum for this illegal parking scandal?

#7 In re the Estate of Hosnian System

Sure, the First Order did blow up 5 whole planets, but Ben Solo, a.k.a., Kylo Ren’s hair is still looking too good for this crime to be taken more seriously. Yes, this crime is strikingly similar to Alderaan v. Galactic Empire (kind of like the movie’s whole plot line), but its magnitude still warrants its own consideration.

#8 International Space Agency v. Mark Whatney

In The Martian, Mark Whatney explains: “There’s an international treaty saying that no country can lay claim to anything that’s not on Earth. By another treaty if you’re not in any country’s territory, maritime law applies. So Mars is international waters. . . . Here’s the cool part. I’m about to leave for the Schiaparelli Crater where I’m going to commandeer the Ares IV lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until on board the Ares IV. So I’m going to be taking a craft over in international waters without permission, which by definition… makes me a pirate. Mark Watney: Space Pirate.”

#9 Crew of Endurance v. Dr. Mann

In interstellar, Matt Damon’s character (again with Matt Damon), Dr. Mann 1) falsifies data in hopes of being rescued 2) attempts to kill Coop, played by Matthew McConaughey, by severing his oxygen (again with the oxygen!) and 3) succeeds in blowing up Dr. Romilly (as if the old man hadn’t already been through enough.)

#10 Greedo, deceased v. Han Solo

In the Mos Eisley Cantina, Greedo confronts Han Solo and forces him to sit down at gunpoint. Han owes their boss, Jabba, a bunch of money, but Greedo wants the money for himself. Han blasts Greedo under the table. Murder or self-defense? And more importantly, which version of the film applies? #HanShotFirst

Space Crime #3 Hitchhiker’s Guide: 3 reasons the Vogons should get the book

For thousands of years, humanity has wondered how the world would end. The ancient Sumerians, for example, thought a planet called Nibiru was on a collision course with Earth. The speculations have only increased in recent years: A meteor (like the imaginary one that attracted a strong following during the 2016 U.S Presidential Election), nuclear war , global warming , or even artificial intelligence (which Elon Musk, head of SpaceX, recently called our “biggest existential threat ”). But what if they were wrong? What if instead, it will be giant slug-like intergalactic creatures called Vogons who destroy the earth to make room for a hyperspatial express route? In addition to being somewhat of a bummer (after all, then we would never live to see a world of fully autonomous cars , supersonic hyperloops , and ultra-high bandwidth brain-machine interfaces ), the scenario poses the all-important question: Is there a legal remedy? The civil legal issues raised by de...

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